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Recent Posts
By  kishore gupta   09:29 | 13/Jun/2008 | 7 Comment(s)
GIRL





If you
kiss her, you are not a gentleman



If you don't, you are not a man



If you praise her, she thinks you are lying



If you don't, you are good for nothing



If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp



If you don't, you do not understand



If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring



If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing



If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy



If you don't, you are a dull boy



If you are jealous, she says it's bad



If you don't, she thinks you do not love her



If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect
her



If you don't, she thinks you do not like her



If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to
wait



If she is late, she says that's a girl's way



If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality
time"



If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are
girls"



If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are
cold



If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking
advantage



If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack
ethics



If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for
seduction



If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of
flirting



If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just
admiring



If you talk, she wants you to listen



If you listen, she wants you to talk


That's A GIRL!


 


~~~~~



Permalink 
By  kishore gupta   11:12 | 30/Dec/2007 | 7 Comment(s)
Farewell 2007-Welcome 2008 !!!

Dear all Ilander Friends,

 

Wishing with you Good Bye 2007!

 

Let the coming year be the Harbinger of more HAPPINESS and better HEALTH & Harvest promising HOPE and path-breaking HAPPENINGS for all.

 

Wishing you a Great Bliss 2008!

 

SMILE a little bit more in 2008 than 2007…a resolution I recommend???

 

Cheers

Kishore






Permalink 
By  kishore gupta   22:55 | 21/Nov/2007 | 11 Comment(s)
funny


























Permalink 
By  kishore gupta   21:16 | 17/Nov/2007 | 6 Comment(s)
amricans




A Child's Guide To United States Foreign Policy



Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?

A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction honey.

Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.

A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.

Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?

A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.

Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass destruction, did we?

A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll find something, probably right before the 2004 election.

Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?

A: To use them in a war, silly.

Q:
I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use in
a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to
war with them?

A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to
know they had those weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands
rather than defend themselves.

Q: That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they choose to die if they had all those big weapons to fight us back with?

A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.

Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those weapons our government said they did.

A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway.

Q: And what was that?

A:
Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein
was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another
country.

Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his country?

A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.

Q: Kind of like what they do in China?

A:
Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic competitor,
where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make
U.S. corporations richer.

Q: So if a country lets its people be
exploited for American corporate gain, it's a good country, even if
that country tortures people?

A: Right.

Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?

A:
For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People
who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.

Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?

A: I told you, China is different.

Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?

A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while China is Communist.

Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?

A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.

Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?

A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are sent to prison and tortured.

Q: Like in Iraq?

A: Exactly.

Q: And like in China, too?

A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other hand, is not.

Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?

A:
Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some laws
that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with
Cuba until they stopped being communists and started being capitalists
like us.

Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade
with Cuba, and started doing business with them, wouldn't that help the
Cubans become capitalists?

A: Don't be a smart-ass.

Q: I didn't think I was being one.

A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.

Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?

A:
I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam Hussein
came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a legitimate
leader anyway.

Q: What's a military coup?

A: That's
when a military general takes over the government of a country by
force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United
States.

Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?

A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is our friend.

Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?

A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.

Q:
Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by forcibly
overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an illegitimate
leader?

A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he helped us invade Afghanistan.

Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?

A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.

Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?

A:
Well, on September 11th, nineteen men, fifteen of them Saudi Arabians,
hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings, killing
over 3,000 Americans.

Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?

A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive rule of the Taliban.

Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off people's heads and hands?

A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.

Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars back in May of 2001?

A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job fighting drugs.

Q: Fighting drugs?

A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing opium poppies.

Q: How did they do such a good job?

A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban would have their hands and heads cut off.

Q:
So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing
flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands off
for other reasons?

A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic
fundamentalists cut off people's hands for growing flowers, but it's
cruel if they cut off people's hands for stealing bread.

Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?

A:
That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy that
oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were in
public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not
comply.

Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?

A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.

Q: What's the difference?

A:
The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet
fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her
eyes and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of
patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her
eyes and fingers.

Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name.

A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are our friends.

Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were from Saudi Arabia.

A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.

Q: Who trained them?

A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.

Q: Was he from Afghanistan?

A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very bad man.

Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.

A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.

Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagan talked about?

A:
There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or
thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We
call them Russians now.

Q: So the Soviets ? I mean, the Russians ? are now our friends?

A:
Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years after
they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our
invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the
French and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.

Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?

A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.

Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what we want them to do?

A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.

Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?

A: Well, yeah. For a while.

Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?

A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our friend, temporarily.

Q: Why did that make him our friend?

A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.

Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?

A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked the other way, to show him we were his friend.

Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes our friend?

A: Most of the time, yes.

Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an enemy?

A:
Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can
profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the
better.

Q: Why?

A: Because war is good for the economy,
which means war is good for America. Also, since God is on America's
side, anyone who opposes war is a godless un-American Communist. Do you
understand now why we attacked Iraq?

Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?

A: Yes.

Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?

A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him what to do.

Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because George W. Bush hears voices in his head?

A:
Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes,
make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.

P.S.Forwarded message I am posting here.



Permalink 
By  kishore gupta   09:09 | 12/Nov/2007 | 9 Comment(s)
world best friend week

                                         
Your Heart is Ur Love, FunAndFunOnly (www.mails4u.net.tc) - SridhaR




























 

 
FunAndFunOnly (www.mails4u.net.tc) - SridhaR
Kishore



Permalink 
By  kishore gupta   15:59 | 10/Nov/2007 | 5 Comment(s)
Business


 


One day many years ago at a school in
South London a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds,


 


"I"ll give $20 to the child who
can tell me who was the most respected man, whom people consider God, who ever
lived."



An Irish boy put his hand up
and said, "It was St.
Patrick
."


 


The teacher said, "Sorry Alan,
that"s not correct."



Then a Scottish boy put his
hand up and said, "It was
St. Andrew
."


 


The teacher replied, "I"m sorry,
Hamish, that"s not right either.



Finally, a Gujarati boy
raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ."


 


The teacher said, "That"s
absolutely right, Jitu, come up here and I"ll give you the $20."



As the teacher was giving
Jitu his money,


 


she said, "You know Jitu,
since you are Gujarati, I was very surprised you said Jesus Christ."


 


Jitu replied, "Yes, in
my heart I knew it was Lord Krishna, but business is
business
!"









Permalink 
By  kishore gupta   09:25 | 6/Nov/2007 | 11 Comment(s)
Diwali







Permalink 
By  kishore gupta   23:22 | 4/Nov/2007 | 9 Comment(s)
DIWALI



Saraswati

Training
and Knowledge Management


Shiva

DBA (Crash Specialist)

Ganesh

Quality
Assurance & Documentation



Narada

Data transfer



Yama
Reorganization
& Downsizing Consultant

Chitragupta
IDP &
Personal Records

Apsaras
Downloadable
Viruses



Devas

Mainframe
Programmers


Surya

Solaris
Administrator


Rakshasas
In
house Hackers


Raavan

Internet
Explorer www



Lakshman

Support
Software and Backup


Hanuman
Linux/s390



Jatayu

Firewall


Dronacharya
System
Programmer


Vishwamitra

Sr.
Manager Projects



Valmiki

Technical
Writer (Ramayana Sign off document)


Krishna
SDLC
( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle )


Arjun

Lead
Programmer (all companies are vying for him)


Abhimanyu
Trainee
Programmer

Draupadi
Motivation
& Team building

Bhima
MAINFRAME
LEGACY SYSTEM

Duryodhana
Microsoft
product Written in VB

Karna
Contract
programmer

Dhrutarashtra

Visual
C++

Gandhari
Dreamweaver

100 Kauravas
Microsoft
Service Packs and
patches

Happy Diwali

All myIland FRIENDS...








Permalink 
By  kishore gupta   23:53 | 2/Nov/2007 | 3 Comment(s)
onik